Scholarship Recipient 2015: Poland

Ewa Dziarnowska

Current Address:

danceWEB Impressions:

making lists. they say it makes you calm, helps to organize.

0 chances to make the right choice

1 wooden plank that i broke with a bare fist

2 times that i died thanks to angela schubot

3 notebooks filled with "i'll write it down, i have to remember that" that i never opened again

4 hours of a pre-sleep talk by mårten

4,5 hours of sleep per night (approximately)

5 litres of sweat

6 times that somebody tried to grab my ass in the lounge (not such a good score)

7:45 was the usual time i'd set my alarm clock to (just to snooze it for another 30 min.)

8 post-danceWEB resolutions - no, i won't tell you

9 more hours to the deadline for this report (sorry, hanna)

10 mentors

11 is a prime number & doesn't make me think of anything at all, ah yes, it does, but it's politics & politics is not art POLITICS IS NOT ART politics is maybe art business

12 danceweb people that i have already met again in vienna this october to organize part-tay! in brut

13 x "thank you" to: alix (!), alice, mårten (!), anne, jennifer, keith, mark, philippe, raimundas, valentina, dennis, hanna and rio

14 workshops (12) / research projects (2)

15 litres of aperol spritz

16 breaths that i exchanged with alina before we run out of oxygen ("death itself")

17 uncomfortable situations / conflicts / fights (major and minor, with different degrees of poignancy)

18 times that i went to the lounge and regretted afterwards

19:30 is the zero hour in austria (*let the supermarkets organize your life*)

20 times that i went to the lounge

0.21 mg of magnesium per day & keeping my vitamine B levels up (danceweb can be depressing)

22 times that i feel asleep in a class for a minute or two

23 viennese districts out of which you'll get to know like 5

24/7 of acceleration

25, i'll be 25 next year & danceweb didn't help me in figuring out whether i'm young or old, i felt both young and very old alternately every 5 minutes

26 parties

27 times that i felt really cool

28 times that i felt really empty

29 times per day that i felt obliged to enjoy myself (forced-fun aspect of dancewebber's social life)

30th anniversary of "back to the future" happens to be in 2015 and makes me think of two things in relation to danceweb: a) back in the past, i also imagined it differently; b) i have no idea why, but danceweb made me reinvent love

31.07 was when i had a show of "more than naked" in munich & escaped danceweb folly for a day. which pretty much felt like a space/time travel

32 long - 2 x short - 2 x normal (planet, first location)

33 made me think of pi, i don't know why, cause it should be 3,14, but whatever… what i wanted to say is that it was all irrational

3,40 euro for a t-shirt i'm wearing right now and that i bought together with annegret at a viennese flea market during the only free morning i had

35 days of feeling really overloaded

36 minutes is the minimum time it takes for a group of 65 to make a collective decision on "where are we going now"

37 minutes is the minimum time it takes for me to realize i have no fucking clue where i really want to go

38 degrees in vienna & no air conditioning

39 performances that i booked, but like 28 that i've actually seen

40 minutes: average maximum time i could spend in the danceweb studio before i'd get impatient

41 people or so told me before or during danceweb that it's important to take a break and design your schedule well, but i'd say: fuck that, do as much as you can, go everywhere, exhaust yourself, be inconsistent, fall asleep in the classes and complain that you're tired - it's all great like that… and if i could turn back time, i'd do even more

42°C or that moment when you feel like your brain's melting & you either become delirious or completely blank

43 times that i've heard "bitch better have my money"

44 czterdziesci i cztery! - yes, this year polska was very prominent

45 people that went (partially) blonde during our beauty salon

46 works by tracey emin in leopold museum

47 (or any other random high number) conflicting perspectives applied simultaneously to every little thing and the fact that - after danceweb & all the other education i've had - to each one of them i can say: YES, i believe that … it's like a complete mumbo jumbo, confusion, falling with your head down (while nodding in bulgarian), agreeing with so many & so much that even the idea of agreement or critique itself becomes ridiculous

48 must have been the number of times i told rodrigo i'm totally in love with him (how embarassing, thanks god i was drunk most of the time)

49 i never want to be 49

50 more numbers to go

51 more summers that i want to spend that way (i mean, that's in case i'm the first one of our generation who'll live for 200 years, otherwise i'd stay with like 3 more times)

52 tears that nobody saw

53 tears in public (how embarassing & theatrical)

54 times i screamed "fuck!" after opening the boarding school's fridge and having everything fall out of it

55 cents for a banana, they keep you going

56 times that i tried something that felt completely wrong & misplaced, but that i'm ultra grateful for, cause it showed me that i know what is the real shit for me and should trust that

57 x DANCE
58 x DANCE
59 x DANCE

60 minutes of shaking was great (in general any time without much talking was great)

61 new books i gotta read

62 what a random number, i cannot connect it to anything, so i'll just say: who cares

63 times that saying "who cares" saved my life

64 who cares about these numbers & order & choreography & logic & communication & society & career & e-mails & sex & talks & information & all, i've learnt there's a pleasure in letting go and in not doing and in not producing and in not holding back and in doing just as much as feels right and not any bit more

65' is the year my mother was born and i should have had warned her i wouldn't have time to talk to her (nor to anybody else from the real world out there)

66 makes me think of all the crazy american people, i mean, really crazy, the craziest of the crazy, it makes me wanna go there

67 silver bugs under my bed

68 is the page in this lovely book by andy warhol i'm reading right now where it says: "when i did my self-portrait, i left all the pimples out because you always should. pimples are a temporary condition and they don't have anything to do with what you really look like. always omit the blemishes - they're not part of the good picture you want."

69 and on the next page andy says: "i really don't care that much about beauties. what i really like are talkers. (…) talkers are doing something. beauties are being something. which isn't necessarily bad, it's just that i don't know what it is they're being. it's more fun to be with people who are doing things." *beauties - talkers - doers - dancers*

70's are empty according to andy, but god, he has not seen 2010's yet (not to mention the internet, andy warhol could be the ambassador of internet, but there wasn't much time for internet during danceweb, and - hey - no facebook in the boarding school, that truly revolutionized my life style)


72 (it's important to know when to shut up)

73 times when i wanted to scream: "that's not dance!" and realized that, wow, i really am interested in dance


75 "it´s not easy, nothing to say, cause it´s already said, it´s never easy, when i look on your eyes then i find that i´ll do fine", which makes me think of doing this exercise of looking into each other's eyes for - what was it - 10 minutes and being in a couple together with chloe, who was wearing that jacket & i keep on imagining her in it every time i think of her now

76 or 67, doesn't matter: from 30 on a lot of people is just a lot of people

77 is a place where this enumeration structure i've picked to write this report becomes oppresive and limiting, but i'll keep on going

78 is a number high enough to show how inspiring some moments were to me

79 is also high enough to stand for the amount of energy and motivation i got to make a change in some of the ways i work / i live / i am


81 times that i asked: "which workshop are you doing this week?" and didn't bother to listen to the answer

82 times that i was asked: "which workshop are you doing this week?" and didn't bother to answer

83.0 is the highly advanced newest version of social & discoursive set of skills you have to have (or at least develop as you go) to survive danceweb of 2015 (fuck, we made it hard for ourselves)

84.1 meta levels, too

85 seconds now (spotwatch on) to tell you that it might seem to you - as you read this report - that danceweb is a life-changing event, but it isn't; i mean, it is, but just in the same way as anything else in life is, so let's be moderate about it. please, remember, we all like to mythologize… time over, sorry

86 signs: "in the realm of love, (…) the more futile (…) the more it asserts itself as strength"

87 hours per week when i felt the structure was using me more than i was using it: the danceweb/impulstanz machanism dictating to me how to work, talk, meet people, think of oneself, live (and i swear (in a slightly hesitant voice) that at times dancing to the tune playing was most satisfying)

88 hours of resistance per week

89 euro: price of my ticket back home

90 heart beats per minute: just imagine how much work it is to simply live; i mean, danceweb has redefined my approach to labour

91' is the year i was born and danceweb made me think a lot about "now", "contemporary", "my generation"

92 seems to me to be the age of some teachers at impulstanz, just imagine, almost a whole century older than you are, what a bliss and what a nightmare

93 times, or ever since coming back from vienna, that i have recalled the formula: "it doesn't matter, the choice. choose this or choose that, it's not important, just choose and comit to it, there's nothing like missing out, you're always there, your experience is continuous, it never stops it never stops it never stops, you didn't go to that repertory class, so what, the wind blows in your hair and oh, it's soo good to ride downhill"

94% ready - i am almost ready now & i'm very happy to know that there are such cool artists in the world, like juan chloe rebecca julia naima sara x 2 veza elisa rósa zen rodrigo bruno aurélien anouk andrew adriano hend noura mira sonya solenn emma julie marcela katerina susanne jule jo vera annegret else inna hana felix martha saghar bar merav shira ann christin nicole zuzanna kasia helena georgi adriana alina anya frosina louise tamara poliana gizem faizal jamila hamish zinzi pepa rachael keyon sigrid angie alex gillian digging the shit up and acting in the world, doing the real stuff, making things happen, making a change - thanks for that, that helps me to keep on moving & making

95 more days that we'd probably need to really start to get to know each other

96 seconds waiting for the elevator (& imagine you're always in a hurry)

97 words: agenda | marketing | beauty | aesthetics | realness | fakery & forgery | no big deal | fuck engagement (after yvonne rainer) | pressure | will puke if i hear the words precarious collective community share non-hierarchical practice once again | shit talking complaining gossiping | playing the game by its rules vs. hijacking | manifestos for the future, the future is ours | undercover networking | artificiality | euphemism | political correctness | noch ein mal bitte | experiential sensational | is it a score for thinking or for dancing (after keyon) | poor very poor | destitute | first-rate third-rate | wet shot | slimy pathetic wrong | evaluating one's own behavior | wonderful awesome | * | care | back out | black out

98 times i've unlocked my cute pink bike (you gotta be fast, otherwise people might leave without you)

99 made up numbers in order to make sense out of this thing so wonderfully wrong fucked up and chaotic, to ease the nonsenseness of complexity of experiencing "the world"

100 years of solitude